He spoke to me
the kind words of grace
that all my days can be lived
without a single word written
& my life will still be shrouded in purpose
because I learned to rest,
to wait, to listen, to give -
to be.
open space & discipline
As children, we thought discipline to be a negative thing. 8pm bedtime, ice cream on special occasions only, one hour of computer time a day. Even as young adults, we often shrink away from discipline or any authoritative voice.
As we grow older, as we build our lives and have children of our own, we can’t deny that discipline is necessary. Without it, we could not maintain a job, relationships, or overall health.
Within the last month, many lives have come to an abrupt halt. Daily tasks, places to be, people to see - everything that was once filled is now empty. What is left is a lingering, taunting space, wondering how we will choose to use it.
In this open-ended space, I’ve come to question why it is so difficult to be disciplined in my writing and general creativity. I’ve waiting for this space for over a year now, so why do I only feel anxiety?
After a few wasted mornings, anxiety-filled afternoons, the answer became clear. I could not find rest because my worth depended on the accomplishments (or lack-there-of) of my day. I built my perspective around how I felt about myself instead of the truth that I was made to rule over my emotions, over my body, over my time.
If I am to bring healing to my mind and to my heart, I must rethink my habits and expectations for a day and replace them with new disciplines which bring an abundance of peace and joy each day.
Many know that writing is a great love of mine. It is what I want to do the rest of my life, in many different ways. I am created to tell stories, to understand lives I’ve never lived, and share the words that have taken me from very dark places.
In order to do that well, I’ve realized that my craft shouldn’t fit into my life. Instead, my life should be structured in such a way that I as a creative can thrive and my craft can develop along with it.
Discipline helps to rebuild a crumbling structure, to set a new framework so that thoughts can seek out new pathways into lighted spaces and grow daisies instead of weeds.
When this is all said and done, our lives will not return to the way it was once this is all over. But this time, this open space is an opportunity. Though not without difficulty, it is a time with purpose. To rethink and rebuild. To delve deeper. To rest and heal.